Make Beautiful Mistakes

According to research, we’re only born with two instinctive fears: loud noises and the fear of falling.

Isn’t that fascinating? All of our other fears—rejection, abandonment, death, drowning, loneliness, failure—are learned along the way.

Why and how do we adopt and internalize these fears?

Of course, there are many possible reasons: what we experience, the people we interact with, and the lessons we absorb over time. These shape our character, which in turn shapes our lives.

We could talk about our fears at great length, but after this introductory note, I want to focus on one fear in particular: the fear of making mistakes, or the fear of failure.

Make New Mistakes. Make glorious, amazing mistakes.

Failure is likely a fear many of us carry. I’d like to discuss how we learn this fear—and, in truth, the cost of that learning process.

From the moment we start trying things—practically from infancy—we encounter failure. But as with most fears and most challenges in life, the issue isn’t failure itself; the issue lies in our reaction to it, and in the way we position ourselves when we fail.

From the moment we begin to perceive the world and test our place in it—think of a child running and falling down—we run into failure.

Yet it’s the way we respond to that situation (perhaps laughing at the child or ridiculing them, maybe comparing them to a friend who runs better) that teaches the child to see failure as something shameful, avoidable, and frightening. This response shapes how that child will interpret mistakes and how they’ll try to protect themselves from failure.

Make mistakes nobody’s ever made before.

We most likely first become acquainted with the fear of failing within our own families, and as the years go by, our environment continuously reinforces it. As this fear grows deeper within us, we feel an increasing need to stay in our comfort zone—afraid to try new things, visit new places, meet new people, or step outside that bubble of familiarity where we feel safe.

It’s not purely a matter of material or social resources that, in our country, you rarely see 14-year-olds sailing around the world on their own (as Laura Dekker did) or 18-year-olds setting off on global journeys by themselves. Nor is it entirely about whether we have or lack certain conveniences.

This phenomenon is heavily connected to our cultural or environmental attitudes toward making mistakes—and how we structure our lives around these attitudes.

We can see the effect of our fear of making mistakes across many areas, and usually in negative ways:

Don’t freeze, don’t stop, don’t worry that it isn’t good enough, or it isn’t perfect—whatever it is: art, or love, or work or family or life.

Young people who are afraid to fail often choose the safest paths, embracing what society or their circle defines as “the right thing,” without ever putting genuine effort into discovering who they are or what they truly want. They opt for comfortable career choices, taking as few risks as possible—filling their working lives with busywork while dreaming of retirement.

In short, they follow a path that doesn’t demand exploration or mistakes.

Those who do land a job are terrified of trying something new, even if they’ve spent years talking about their secret dreams—quitting everything to “sell lemons in a seaside town,” for instance. Yet those dreams never get tested in real life. As the years pass, salaries and benefits increase, families grow, and debts and obligations pile up, expanding the comfort zone until those original desires and “mistakes never made” slip further away, becoming nothing but distant fantasies.

People brave enough to step outside society’s lines and embrace the entrepreneurial spirit face a different hurdle. Because they’re already outside the mainstream, often representing what many wish they could do but haven’t, they naturally become easy targets for criticism. Consequently, the fear of being judged for their mistakes becomes as big as the fear of failing itself. This can end up holding them back, preventing them from going further and fully realizing their potential.

I'd like to share that I've experienced and gone through all of those phases myself and continue facing my fears daily. This post is a result of that and is a part of my life-long healing journey, which hopefully will help in your own journey.

Of course, fear of mistakes affects not only individuals but also every organization those individuals form.

In companies composed of, or led by, people who fear mistakes—and fail to tolerate them—everyone just focuses on surviving day to day. People fight to maintain the status quo and protect their comfort.

Innovation and progress are undervalued; maintaining current conditions garners praise, reinforcing that “it’s been this way and will continue this way” mentality. As a result, neither genuine innovation nor significant growth can take root, and the society made up of these people becomes similarly stagnant.

Yes, this is a universal issue, but I believe it’s especially pronounced in our country. By contrast, take Silicon Valley as a positive example in the realm of entrepreneurship.

When you investigate the reasons behind Silicon Valley’s success, practically everyone mentions the same factor first: there’s a culture that celebrates mistakes and honors the value of trying and failing—where even having a few “failed startups” under your belt is perceived as a step toward success, not a mark of shame.

You can find hundreds of statements, articles, and essays by Silicon Valley entrepreneurs underscoring the importance and value of failure. Success almost never comes before failure. If we don’t give individuals—and by extension, companies, institutions, and societies—the room and tolerance to fail sufficiently, they can’t achieve real success or self-realization.

I firmly believe that if we can conquer our fear of making mistakes—if we can allow people to fail as long as they learn and grow from it, and if we can offer constructive criticism and help them improve—we’ll become a healthier, happier, and more humane society.

I’d like to end with a final part of the New Year’s message by Neil Gaiman, whose words appeared throughout this piece and served as a key inspiration. With the hope that you’ll make many mistakes that leave you not with regrets, but with happiness for having taken the chance:

Whatever it is you’re scared of doing, do it. Make your mistakes, next year and forever.